Do 5 things to make your relationship a place they want to be.
Sometimes talking won’t help. I know, that’s a weird thing for a talk therapist to say. It’s true though.
Talk can become cheap. Let’s say you often apologize or you often hear apologies. That’s okay but if apologies don’t ever come with behavior change then words don’t mean much anymore. .
In the same way promises made over and over without the actions to back them up make promises worthless. Actually it’s worse than that. Promises made but not kept consistently over time will result in resentment and ultimately disinterest. That’s the old cliché right? The opposite of love isn’t hate it’s indifference. .
When our relationships are in this state the time for talk has past and it’s time for action.
Do 5 things for your partner over the next 7 days. On the 8th day check in with them. See if they noticed.
Here are some sample actions I’ve recommended to clients over the last month or so. .
Expand your definition of sexuality well beyond penetration as the goal and reengage. .
STOP all criticism. Just stop it. Don’t rationalize any negative comments as “constructive,” “just trying to help,” “real talk,” or any other justification for meanness. Just stop. Immediately. Like now.
Take over the other partner’s chores for the week. If they do bath time with the kids usually, give them the week off.
Start a yoga practice together. Begin at the lowest level of the least experienced partner. Get in the habit of being in your own body while in the presence of your partner.
Do the dishes. Pick up the stuff. Make the bed. Do your own laundry. All the stuff you have a good reason for not doing but it makes your partner(s) crazy. Don’t let your relationship die on that hill (of dirty clothes).
Think of something your partner wants to do and then join them. If you can’t do that thing without complaining then send them. Make all the arrangements for them and send them. All details taken care of by you, for them.
If you try this let me know what you did and how it went. I’d love to hear.